They had me put back in pieces. Brevity was always encouraged when I attempted to do actual work. Kept me here longer. Betrayed myselves because they had me like a girl that walked into the wrong tentacle filled alley. Made me do things I did not like and the repercussions were worse. Whiling before my capacities, in gradual increments my tiny comforts were dismantled and held as a reward after I did something else against my character. My daily routine was already deathly boring to begin with as though life and any lust for it seeped away from my spirit. A cell within a cell.
Silently sneaking around trying to get outta here, my priorities were an illusion. My focus was a drill they used to bore through any hidden virtues I may have had. Without my consent they dug into me. They took the pages I wrote to document modern human condition and made me eat them. Turned my life’s sorrow into a game above a paper shredder. Plus the computer screens were acting funny, my friends faces started showing up in pornos. I watched on, intrigued and yet violated. My personal thoughts and privacy seemed merely like a stepping stone to them. Psychology with terrabytes.
Always picking up after my being mauled. I was like an emotionally traumatized rape victim. I kept going. The promise of mortality and the the old saying, ‘it could be worse,’ kept breaking, gradually. Like downloading songs, to downloading movies. The world is sieving through innocence much to fast and I just happened to fall in with the worst bunch. The only saving grace I had was my writing to help me cope through this corruption of the spirit. And any other person would have a fit and called their local congressman or pastor.
Because they knew how to level off my friendliness, I went down deeper into the abyss as a knockoff Jesus. I spun past where a living person should know about their souls, and about the things only known to the departed. I learned to speak and communicate with different beings, and even helped translate. Of these things, I was not in control of the situtations as I was in chains myself, but of the things I DID do, I always did honestly and with a good heart. I upheld any silent virtues I had with a code of conduct my soul would have approved. And when I discovered the darker things that were happening behind my back, I worked to stop those too. However, that also meant that I would become privvy to that world of darker dealings. And it brought me a heavy sadness that no living person my age should have experienced.
I was worlds apart and in between and there wasn’t anyone I could call in the white pages for help. I had some cheap tools and skills I came with, but were quickly mocked and confiscated. I was quite literally running out. Oddly, it was like I had to keep trying. Justice and good seemed scarce, but I kept getting hints. I was to do something else with my time here in this life, and it was done. and was done again. I don’t get on with religious tones, not when I was younger because I was listening to them all. How to be a person was the underlying goal, and there was no correct one. And stars aligned or misaligned and pooped me into existence, old and new, broken and self sustaining, dreams and nightmares but always kind enough to listen to someone nobody else wanted to listen to. I don’t belong anywhere really, but they say the angels kissed me before I came. What’s everything and all alone? I’m something like that, I think.